Kickin' It *hsus Style

So my friend is a hard ass. Totally hates people - at least he SAYS so.

So what does he do? He totally goes and adds some Hotmail/MSN scam thingy to his instant messenger.

Our conversation:

HY,D!: Yo - what's the *hsus thing for?
him: That's for charity. It totally rocks, it's like giving to people. You should totally do it.
HY,D!: Um, the only thing I like giving to people is the heel of my shoe to the face.
him: That's harsh. You're a meanie!
HY,D!: Um, yeah. That's what I do. I do what I do.
him: Well, I prefer to be soft-centered - like a p'zone.
HY,D!: Okay dude, whatever.
HY,D!: END OF DISCUSSION.

Better Than Heck Yeah, Man

I go into Publix with duct tape.

You have to. It's the only way to get 3 or 4 full bags of ice taped to yourself. Totally underappreciated - but what can you do. When you're as hot as me, you have to do something to keep the frozen food department from defrosting when I walk by. No lie.

I'll tell you this though. When you walk into the dairy department and can boil eggs in their cartons, there's a little bit of ego building that goes into it.

You're damn right I said it. Right in the carton.

You know what? I bet you would.